WHAT'S COOKING | CHICKEN BURRITO BOWL

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I can eat chicken burrito bowls everyday.  every.single.day.  For me, they are perfectly balanced for my pregnancy diet and they taste so stinkin' good.  If you are a Chipotle or Qdoba fan love food, then this is right up your alley.

 

Lately, I've started to get that dreaded heart burn that comes with pregnancy, but I don't think that will stop me from continuing to eat this multiple times a week.  The instant gratification is worth it.

 

You'll find this is similar to my Barbacoa Burrito recipe and the marinade here will be enough for 4 whole chicken breasts.

 

Chicken Burrito Bowl

 

4 Chicken Breasts, cut in half 

 

 Chicken Marinade:

1/3 c. apple cider vinegar

4 garlic cloves, minced

4 tsp cumin

2 tsp oregano

1 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp salt

4 chipotle chiles in adobo sauce (use the sauce too)

3 tbs lime juice

 

Cilantro Lime Rice:

3 c. rice, cooked

cilantro, chopped

lime juice

salt

 

Take the vinegar, garlic, cumin, oregano, pepper, salt, lime juice and chipotles (and all remaining sauce) and blend them together using a blender or food processor.  Using a fork, poke the chicken breast multiple times and place in a ziplock bag.  Pour your marinade over the chicken, seal the bag and make sure the marinade is coating all sides of the chicken breasts.  You can let that sit overnight in your fridge or make this in the morning and let it sit until dinner time.

 

Heat your grill up to about 400-425 degrees and grill each side of the chicken breast for approximately 10-12 minutes each or until the chicken is fully cooked.

 

For the cilantro lime rice, just cook either brown or white rice according to the packaged directions.  Add chopped cilantro, lime juice and salt in whatever amount you prefer.  I personally never measure this out, but if I had to guess, I probably use 1/3 c cilantro, 2 tbs lime juice and 1/2 to 1 tsp of salt.

 

Here's what I like to include in my bowl: cilantro lime rice, black beans, chicken, shredded Mexican cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream (or plain greek yogurt), avocado, and chopped romaine.  If you're like Joe, you grab a burrito size tortilla and make this into a real burrito.

 

Joe wanted to show everyone what he had for dinner last night - porterhouse steak w/ chipotle seasoned fries.  I think his cravings for red meat makes any pregnancy craving look like nothing. Here's how our conversation went after he finished eating it all:

Me: "How was the steak"

Joe: "Good except for one problem..."

Me: "It's steak.  There shouldn't be a problem"

Joe:  "The problem is I want another."

 

Enjoy the new recipe!

 

 

 

WHAT'S COOKING | CHICKEN KABOBS

Chicken kabobs have a been a staple in this family for quite some time now.  Even back when Joe and I were dating and both living in the Chicago area, we would hang out and make Sunday night meals together.  This recipes showed up in the Sunday night rotation a lot.  It's so simple to throw together, but the flavor makes it seem like you spent so much time hassling over it! 

 

If you can chop, dump, spear, and grill, then you're a good candidate to make this recipe.

 

 

Chicken Kabobs

 

3 chicken breast, cut into 1" cubes

1 green bell pepper

1 yellow bell pepper

1 red bell pepper

20 grape tomatoes

2/3 c. talian dressing, divided (I use Kraft zesty Italian)

10 Bamboo skewers

 

Cut your chicken breast into about 1" cubes and place into a bowl.  Pour 1/3c of the Italian dressing over the chicken and toss to cover.  Cover the bowl and place in the refrigerator for a couple of hours.

 

Remove the seed from the bell peppers and cut the peppers into 1" squares.  Place the peppers and grape tomatoes in a bowl and pour the remaining 1/3c. of dressing and toss to coat.  Cover and let sit in the fridge for a couple of hours as well.

 

At this point, I will put the skewers in a tall glass or shallow pan and fill it with water.  Don't forget to soak your skewers if you're using wood ones.  They only need to soak for about 30 minutes, but I do mine after getting the food in the fridge so I don't forget.  Trust me, I will forget if I don't do it right away!

 

When you're ready to start cooking, warm up the grill to about 400-425 degrees. While that's warming up, start putting the chicken, peppers and tomatoes on the skewers.  You can alternate between spearing chicken and peppers or you can cook the peppers and chicken on separate skewers.  Whatever mood you're in.

 

Place the  skewers on the grill and give them a quarter turn every 6 minutes.  After about 25 minutes, cut into one of the chicken chunks to make sure it is fully cooked.  Remove them from the grill and try not eat them before getting them on the plate!

 

Joe and I love eating this with a side of the packaged seasoned long grain and wild rice.  The two go hand in hand with each other.  Another plus, this makes really great leftovers the next day.

 



27 WEEKS

 

How far along?  27 weeks (last week of the 2nd trimester!)
Total weight gain:  16.5 pounds. I think with the weather cooling off I got rid of all that water weight from last week.  16.5 lbs still keeps me right in range though!
Maternity clothes?  Yes.  I'd say I wear maternity shirts about 50-60% of the time and maternity bottoms about 10-20% of the time.
Sleep:  I slept like a baby this week.  (Minus the night we went camping - I spent that night lying there waiting for morning to come.)  
Best moment this week:  Meeting with our doula, Karra.  I could spend hours just chatting over coffee with that girl. 
Miss anything?  This week I am missing running.  With the weather cooling off, it's perfect running weather, and I have the itch to go.  I haven't kept up with it so even going for a 1 mile run just kills the lower back at this point.  Instead, I get excited watching my friend Nicole keep up with her running and biking even at 20+ weeks.  She was smart to stick with it!
Cravings:  No strong cravings this week.  Although carrot cake with cream cheese frosting has passed my mind a couple of times.
Symptoms:  These nasty, painful varicose veins are still cramping my style to the point where I can't stand still for longer than 5 minutes without having an internal panic attack over them hurting me.  I even caved in and went to Walgreens to find compression tights and was surprised and disappointed that they only carry socks.  
Looking forward to:  Where to start... This is an exciting week for me.  I'm going for a facial with my sis-in-law, Joe's 34th birthday is coming up, and we are heading up to Upper Peninsula for a family vacation.

I am getting some major baby fever and we still have 3 more months to go!  I spend a lot of time thinking about this little baby, and I can't help but get excited to someday see that little squishy body, slowly blinking and absorbing the outside world. I glanced through our calendar and realized that these next few months will be busy which means that these final weeks are going to fly by.  I hope that I can be reminded to enjoy special one-on-one time with Conner and that goes toward Joe too.   I admit, by the end of the night, we usually spend that time getting our own stuff done, and I need to get better at just dropping whatever I think is important at that time and really spend it with him.

 

Last night I ordered some new baby products which I am really looking forward to coming in.  A new carseat was a must since ours had expired, but I did order a couple of items that I think will be especially nice for this little babe.  Another thing I can't wait to post and share with everyone!



WEEKEND WRAP UP

As a parent, I've learned that there are good days and bad days, and we need to accept the bad days because they give us a greater appreciation of the good ones.  Seeing how we've had so many goods days these past few weeks, we were due for some bad ones, and whoa, did we get them.

 

Friday

A few weeks ago we decided to go camping with Joe's family down at the river property, but found out that his sister wouldn't be able to join.  Bummer... we decided that camping still needed to happen so we quickly loaded up the truck Friday after work and headed over to a nearby state park.

 

Right about the time we got out of the truck is when things turned south.  Conner has no hesitation or fear for running off into the woods by himself, and that's pretty much how the first half hour went.  Then we moved campsites to a more secluded area so our neighbors wouldn't have to hear Conner being so loud.  The rest of that evening was filled with tantrums from that little boy that Joe and I have never seen before.  I sincerely hope this is not a preview of the well known "terrible twos".

 

Putting up the tent and air mattress gave Joe and myself a little bit of a mental break because Conner diverted his attention from running into the woods to jumping on the air mattress in a confined space.  Meanwhile, we were contemplating whether we should just go home or stick it out.

 

We stuck it out.  It took over an hour and half to get Conner to sleep, and I think I almost fell asleep waiting for him to.  After that, Joe and I had some one on one time to talk at the fire for about twenty minutes before this pregnant mama had to throw in the towel.  Oh how I miss the days where sleep was not needed and I could enjoy long conversations around a campfire.

 

The only picture I have from camping where Conner wasn't running away or crying.  Joe and him playing "hide behind the tree".

 

Saturday

We wasted no time getting up Saturday morning, cooking breakfast and packing up the campsite to head home.  Conner was doing much better, but we knew our window of time was short before he'd be running off again and throwing tantrums when we'd go after him.  It's hard explaining to a 22 month old that he can't just run off in the woods.  He has his daddy's sense of adventure and love for the woods.

 

The rest of the day wasn't that exciting.  We were all tired and I was a little cranky.  Never a good mix.  The boy finally went down for an afternoon nap around 3pm and woke up about a half hour before his bedtime.  Once again, we had another night being thrown off of the schedule.  I have learned that little kids thrive on schedules!

 

Conner was Joe's big helper with putting the new lawn de-thatcher together.

 

 

Sunday

Sunday was a good end to the weekend though.  We went for a family walk after breakfast and headed off to church a little while later.  The morning had more enjoyment than the past two days combined.

 

The afternoon was really great too.  Joe and I met with our doula so he could have a chance to talk, listen and learn what her role was going to be for us.  I know I am more than 100% sold on the idea of having a doula, but this whole labor and delivery thing isn't all about me.  I wanted Joe to be onboard with her, but he's so supportive of me that he'd probably at least pretend to be onboard just for my sake.

 

Let me tell you, our doula Karra is a wealth of information and experience.  She seems like a walking textbook and can speak so easily in a way that you just feel comfortable with her.  Have you ever met people that after talking with them, you feel like you've known them for a long time?  That's Karra.  I have to mention that I have never met a person that is so genuinely passionate about doing their job.   She is amazing so far and she is making me excited about attempting this VBAC.  Oh and did I mention that she'll act as a photographer for us throughout this labor/delivery?  Yep, she's amazing.

 

Sure, the weekend had some rough bumps to start out with, but I'm pretty happy and blessed for a good note to end it on.
 
 These boys... just watching them together makes my heart melt. 

 



BORDERLINE

 

I admit.  I got completely blindsided on Wednesday afternoon.  I received a phone call from my doctor's office to give me my results of the glucose test.  Now, the rule of thumb with my doctor and lab results is "no news is good news", so when I saw the number pop up on my phone, I hesitated to answer it. 

 

140.  That's what my glucose reading came back at.  What's so special about that number is that it is the target number that divides whether someone passes or fails the glucose test.  Of course I would nail it right on.

 

The ironic part is that with Conner's pregnancy I ate all the carbs my little heart desired, gained over 80 pounds, and never ended up with gestational diabetes (GD for short).  With this pregnancy I decided since the start of my 2nd trimester that I would follow a GD diet plan with an occasional cheat meal or treat here and there just to maintain a healthier pregnancy.  And now here I am with a result of 140.  Go figure.

 

I explained my eating habits to the doctor and the fact that I already have been checking my glucose levels periodically and exercising regularly.  Based on my action plan to-date, she told me she was impressed that I was already so educated on the topic and with my habits, she has no concern for me. In fact, she told me that as long as I keep with what I'm doing and monitor how the carbs are affecting my levels, I can go ahead skip any additional testing.  Whew! No more glucose drinks please!

 

If anyone reading doesn't fully understand gestational diabetes and is not interested in reading a ton of boring literature, here's my very quick "Cliffs Notes" on the topic.  Keep in mind, I'm no expert.  This is just what I've learned along the way.

 

What is it?  In short, your body can't produce enough insulin to counteract the amount of glucose in your blood.  Insulin is a hormone produced by the pancreas that acts as a key to unlock your cells and allows the glucose into the cell to be used as energy.  For some people, their pancreas can't produce any more insulin to get enough of the glucose in the cells or the cells themselves become resistant to insulin. 

 

Gestational diabetes typically shows up in the late 2nd trimester or 3rd trimester.  Why then?  Your placenta reaches a certain size and continues to grow throughout the remainder of the pregnancy.  The placenta produces three types of hormones that actually make our cells more insulin resistant and will continue to make more of these hormones as pregnancy continues.

 

In the meantime, the pancreas is already maxed out making three times the amount of insulin to try to overcome these hormones produced by the placenta.  Now, couple that with the amount of carbs we eat that get converted into glucose, and you got yourself a problem.  The bummer part is that it gets trickier to control as you go on because your body is already making as much insulin as possible and your placenta just keeps growing and producing more of the pesky hormones that make you insulin resistant.

 

What now?  A lot of the time, GD can be controlled by creating a diet plan that works with how your body uses carbs.  Unfortunately for some, controlling their diet won't be enough and will need to supplement with extra insulin to transport the glucose out of the blood. 

 

Diet:  It will be important to take in an appropriate amount of carbs at each meal and typically three meals and three snacks spaced 2.5 to 3 hours apart will be best to keep your glucose levels stable throughout the day and night.  Here is the starting point that I used and I plan to adjust the amount of carbs over the course of this week until I find a meal plan that will keep my glucose from getting either too high or too low.

 

Starting Point:

Breakfast:  30g of carbs

Snack:  15g of carbs

Lunch:  30g of carbs

Snack: 15g of carbs

Dinner:  45g of carbs

Snack: 15g carbs

 

From the reading I've been doing, it sounds like the typical problem areas are your levels right upon waking and after breakfast.  If morning fasting levels are high, your last snack of the day will be an important focus.  You may need to increase your carbs and protein to give your body an extra boost to get you through the next 10 hours and not freak out on you the next morning.  If your levels are high after breakfast, you may try adding a morning walk and/or decrease the amount of carbs you take in at breakfast. 

 

Exercise:  Exercise, even as simple as a walk, can help with blood glucose levels.  Your muscles use glucose as fuel to perform whatever task you are doing.  If you have extra glucose in your blood, your working muscles will use that glucose because it is readily available.  Ta-da! Your blood glucose levels lower as a result.

 

In my research this week I found a list of risk factors that cause women to be at higher risk for getting this.  I laughed when I read through the whole list and the only risk factor that I met was being over the age of 25.  My only thought is if there is a correlation or link between PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and GD because with PCOS your body tends to be insulin resistant whether you are diabetic or not and that seems to me like it would set the stage for getting GD. 

 

There.  That's all I got on my quick overview.  I can tell you from the past couple of days that I actually need to increase the amount of carbs in my first two snacks.  My 2 hour readings after these snack are in the 60's, so I will need to add in some fruit or other healthy carb options.

 

In case you're curious, here is the plan that I used as a starting point.  I'm sure it will continue to evolve throughout the rest of my pregnancy as learn how these meals/snacks affect my levels and as glucose levels get harder to manage.

 

Breakfast (7AM) - (2) Protein Pancakes

Activity - 1 mile dog walk

Snack #1 (10AM) - 8 oz coffee with 1/4c reduced fat milk, 5.3 oz greek yogurt, string cheese

Lunch (12:30PM) - Cobb Salad (Romaine, 2 oz chicken breast, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, 1 small hard boiled egg, bacon bits, 2 Tbsp Italian dressing, shredded cheddar)

Activity - 1 mile walk at 3 mph

Snack #2 (3:30PM) - 1/2 medium gala apple, (1) Tbsp natural peanut butter, string cheese

Dinner (6PM) - Chicken Burrito Bowl

Activity - 1 mile walk at 3 mph

Snack #3 (9PM) - Lara Bar (Peanut Butter Cookie)

 

For the most part, I don't feel like my life is dramatically changing because of this.  I've been following a general GD diet, but now I will need to make sure that I keep an eye on how these foods affect me over the last few months.  The only thing that will be hard for me is not having the ability to just eat a treat or have pizza whenever I want without planning out a game plan ahead of time. 

 

Well placenta, I guess you're doing a great job at growing.  Pancreas, let see if we can just step it up a little more.

26 WEEKS + 2 DAYS

Yesterday was my 26 week ob appointment and with that came the glucose test.  I don't remember that glucose drink being so disgusting, but it did not sit well this time around.  It's about a 40 minute drive to my doctor's office, and the whole time driving was spent convincing myself not to throw up.  I've heard of people doing that, and then having to go back and redo the drink.  No way was I going to redo this, so I held it down!

 

My normal ob was on vacation which gave me a chance to meet with another one of the doctors there.  They're all great there, and I love that office.  Everything went really well.  Blood pressure was still low and my belly is still tracking right where it needs to be.  And my favorite part of these appointments - listening to the heartbeat!  As the doctor was holding the Doppler to my stomach, you could see this little baby just moving and pushing my stomach around. 

 

I love getting to the point where it's not only little kicks and flutters, but you can actually see and feel limbs and their body gliding across your belly.  And baby hiccups... don't get me started on how much I love those baby hiccups.

How far along?  26 weeks + 2 days
Total weight gain:  18 pounds.  I've noticed that I will gain 2-3 pounds in one week, and then my weight will plateau for the next few weeks.  But on average, that puts me at a 1 pound gain per week since I started the second trimester.  Can't complain with being right on track.
Maternity clothes?  Yep. I still only wear maternity clothes about 30% of the time.  If my normal shirts are long enough, there way more comfortable to wear.
Sleep:  I have a really hard time sleeping on my left side.  I can always fall asleep on my right, but for whatever reason, it's impossible on my left.   
Best moment this week:  Hearing that little heart beating away at the doctor appointment. 
Miss anything?  alfalfa sprouts.  I had this same issue when I was pregnant with Conner.  I miss alfalfa sprouts now as much as I did the last time.
Cravings:  Well, beside the alfalfa sprouts I'm missing, I've actually had a strange craving for a margarita.  I don't drink alcohol very often, but a margarita may need to be in order after this baby comes. 
Symptoms:  I've had a couple of very unpleasant symptoms that have crept up this past week and a half.  1) Varicose Veins - these suckers are ugly and more importantly, they are soooo painful. If they don't go away after pregnancy, I'm saving up money and getting them removed!  2)  Swelling - I haven't had any problems with swelling until this week and I attribute that to large consumption of water on a daily basis.  My body can't compete with the heat and humidity this week though and it's caused so much swelling. Bleh.
Looking forward to:  We are looking forward to camping this weekend.  We haven't camped at all this year, so we are meeting up with Aunt Shannon and Uncle Ken and the boys at the river property and planning to have a good time together.

Two big decisions were made this week.  I had originally planned on going for a VBAC up until a week past my planned due date.  If I go past a week overdue, I was just going to schedule a C-section.  That has now changed to just waiting it out and trying for a VBAC even if it's a week past my due date.  My doctor will let me go up to 2 weeks past as long as the baby is still healthy and growing.  If things don't happen within those 2 weeks or if this baby is showing signs of needing to come out, then C-section it is!

 

The second big decision this week (and the one I'm really excited about) is hiring a doula.  I've never put any thought into using one or having a desire for one.  After hearing about my friend's experience with one and how much support they mentally and physically give the mother, I am sold.  Especially since we're going for the VBAC, I feel like this is the smartest way to go to help our chances of success.  Not to mention that the doula that we are using is probably the easiest person to talk to and will be so supportive of us at any point of the labor and delivery process whatever happens.

Weekend Wrap Up | Parties and Picnics

This weekend was the epitome of an awesome and fun summer weekend.  Could have done without the ridiculously HOTT weather (and that deserves two T's).  I should be used to the hot, humid weather from growing up in Illinois, but I've become pretty spoiled with the northern Michigan summers being in the 70's to low 80's and pretty low humidity levels. 

 

We really aren't ready for this weekend to be over.  I could honestly rewind it back to Friday and live it all over just the way it played out. 

 

Friday

Once again, Conner stayed home from daycare on Friday and hung out with me.  At least this time it was planned and he wasn't sick.  So we play-dated it up just the two of us.  We had intentions of being out and about, but then the day just seemed to slip by so quickly at home.  And I'm okay with that. 

 

I blew up the little bounce house we have inside since the weather was supposed to be rainy.  Conner jumped his little heart out and then moved on to jumping off furniture into the bounce house.  That kid will always try to do something bigger and more daring.  Gets that from Joe.

 

 Conner has been becoming more interested in books.  He woke up from his nap and quietly sat behind the chair just looking at the pictures when I finally found him.

It makes me sad to think that before I know it, he'll actually be able to fit into Joe's boots.

 Until then, I'll keep getting a good laugh at him trying so hard.

 

Saturday

Busy!  I've learned that life is just easier when you don't have to take a toddler grocery shopping so I went by myself leaving the boys and a very messy house behind.  (No joke - the house was a wreck with toys and dirty dishes piling up.)  By the time I got home, the house was empty, the toys were all put away, and the dishes were done!  Best surprise ever to come home to a quiet and clean house.  And then I got a text from Joe that they were out scoping potential deer stand spots. Joe is so much better at multi tasking than me.  Of course he could entertain Conner while getting stuff done around the house and still have time to go for a morning hike.  Me.. not so much.

 

Next on the list was Alivia's first birthday party!  By far, that little girl enjoyed her birthday cake better than any other kid on their first birthday.  I remember Conner didn't have a clue what to do with his cake and seemed very unimpressed.  Alivia however wasted no time eating all of it and saving just enough frosting to get all over that sweet little face of hers.  Conner did pretty good himself food-wise.  That little bird who barely ever finishes just one chicken nugget devoured a big cup of fruit and two entire hot dogs.  Where did that appetite come from?

 

So happy we got to celebrate Alivia's big day with Blake and Amy.

 

100% pure sugar and happiness.

That is how everyone should look after eating a piece of cake. Messy and content.

 

After the party wrapped up, it was nap time for Conner and Joe and photo editing time for me.  Once that time was over it was right back out the door for dinner in Fife Lake and swimming at the beach.  By far, swimming is Conner's favorite thing to do.  End of story.  You should've seen the look on that little boy's face when I asked him if he wanted to go to the beach to swim.  A new toy can't even get him as excited as that.

 

Still my favorite guy in the whole world.

 

  Sunday

Today was a little slower but still packed full of fun.  Cherryland had their family picnic this afternoon.  Bounce house.  Creeks.  Smoked chicken, pork and beef.  Prizes. Games.  We were all excited.  Today was hot and muggy, but that didn't stop Conner from making 15 trips back to the bounce house.  He never ate his breakfast and because of all the fun at the picnic, he didn't want to waste any precious time eating his lunch either.  Go figure.  Sometimes it feels impossible to get him to just eat like a normal kid.

 

Joe won a pretty big blow up pool at the picnic, and that couldn't have happened at a better time.  Conner's blow up pool got a hole in it this summer so now we have a bigger and better one to replace it with.  Lucky us!

 

Game over. We found bubbles.

Conner made himself right a home with a water bottle trough filled with melted ice.

 

 

 

 

Pregnancy Loss and Future Hopes

I've been dreading today since last December.  This week has been an inevitable countdown to this day.  Today was our due date for the baby we lost last December.  It was painful then.  It's painful still.

 

After trying for so many months to get pregnant, Joe and I found out in November that our time had come.  We were going to be having baby number 2 and we were both so overjoyed at that news.  Like most moms, I immediately started looking around online for baby things, pregnancy topics to catch up on, and daydreaming about life with this little one.  I set up my first ob appointment and was counting down the weeks and days until that first checkup.  There's no other way to explain it - we were excited.

 

Troubling Times

I'll never forget the dream I had the night of December 8th.  I dreamt that our sweet little baby died and I miscarried at home.  I remember crying hysterically and saying over and over to Joe while looking at that little baby, "We can't let go. It's not fair! We can't let go!" I remember Joe scooping up the little body and asking me if I at least wanted to know what it was.  I told him "I know it's a girl", and he responded, "It's a boy."  End of dream.

 

The morning of December 9th I woke up in relief that it was only a dream and went to make eggs for breakfast.  I cracked the first egg open and nearly had a panic attack when I saw a huge amount of blood inside the egg.  First off, I am not superstitious, but this bothered me that I panic texted Joe about it.

 

By December 17th, I was starting feel exceptionally well.  Whatever little bit of morning sickness I had was easing up.  I thought nothing of it since I only had a very short and light case of morning sickness with Conner.  I would soon realize that it should have been a red flag.  On one of my bathroom stops that day I found blood.  I began to panic but I kept reminding myself that so many women experience random light bleeding in the first trimester and it turns out to be nothing at all.  In fact, that happened to my sister, so I calmed myself down and decided to just keep a close eye on it.

 

It ended up stopping for the night and next morning, but by the afternoon, there was more.  Trying my hardest to stay calm, I called and talked to my doctor.  He didn't sound comfortable with what was going on and had me come in.  I called Joe immediately and he met me at the doctor's office where they did an ultrasound. 

 

I held my breath the whole time just waiting to see a heartbeat. nothing. The doctor explained to me that it's possible that our dates are off and that it still may be a little too soon to get a heartbeat.  It was decided that my hcg levels would be checked that day and again on Saturday morning to see what is going on.  I had my blood drawn that day and then again on Saturday.  I was a wreck with fear and anxiety and the desperate hope that everything will still be okay.

 

So on Saturday December 21st, my doctor got my results and called me right away.  My levels had dropped.  He continued to talk me through everything and what to expect next as I fought back the sobs.  This baby was gone, and I could do nothing to save it.  It ripped my heart apart.

 

We were supposed to be making the announcement to our families over Christmas.  Instead with uncontrollable crying, I was left to tell my mom over the phone what happened.

 

I thank God for quick timing between finding out the news of losing the baby and going through with the actual miscarriage.  It happened the next day.  I did not want to give up my baby, but it brought a certain kind of closure that was needed.  It was the most emotionally hard thing I have ever gone through and the pain is still real to this day.  The dream I had just two weeks before played out in real life.  I remember laying in the bathroom crying to Joe, "I can't let go".

 

My mom had spared me the painful task of telling my brother and sister.  I received a call from both Jenny and Sheri that Monday and we cried together.  The pain was real for everyone.  That baby wasn't just ours.  It was also their little niece or nephew too.  Jenny gave me advice to just take one minute at a time.  Don't even try to take it a day at time - just one minute.  Get through the next minute.  She also made a comment that when she's at hardships in her own life, she writes messages.  Whatever it is that gets her through to the next minute.

 

I took to that bit of advice.  I wrote the only thing that could come to mind.  I wrote a letter to my little babe.  It is posted below.  I don't normally share things like this, but in this situation, it was good for me to share it with my family.  And if someone who is going through the same pain reads this, I hope it helps her too.

 



My Little Baby,

 

Last week I was pregnant.  Last week I was filled with a joy that could not be contained by words.  Last week I had dreams of welcoming you into this world.  To hold you. To kiss you.  To memorize your little face and count your tiny toes.  Last week I imagined you smiling for the first time and your laughter filling our home.  Last week I pictured you playing with your older brother.  Last week I envisioned who you would look like and what your personality would be.  Last week I dreamed of rocking you to sleep and seeing you smile at me one last time before closing your eyes.  Last week.

 

This week I lost you.  This week my joy turned to a pain so deep that words cannot describe the emptiness.  This week my dreams of welcoming you were replaced with hurtful goodbyes before ever saying hello.  This week I could not save you.  This week I'll be spending Christmas without you instead of announcing your arrival.  This week I will dream of what could have been and come back to the realization that these dreams will never come true.  This week I will continue to feel the pain of never holding you, watching you, smelling you or hearing you.  Someday I will but not this week.

 

Next week I will not forget you.  Next week will bring new hope that I can go on even though you went away.  Next week I will continue to love you in my heart and still wish you were here.  Next week the pain of never seeing you open your eyes for the first time will be replaced with know that the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was Jesus.  Next week I will dream of you running and smiling and your laughter filling Heaven.  Next week I will imagine finally getting to meet you and holding you close for eternity.  Next week I will know that even though I could not welcome you home, you will be there to welcome me home someday.  I dream of someday.

 

I love you with all my heart - every broken piece of it.  And I'm okay that you stole a part of my heart when you went away.  It was yours to begin with.

 

I love you,

Mommy

 



We were shown grace less than three months later with another little life preparing to make his or her way into our hearts.  This pregnancy started off the same as our last.  Bleeding and crying out to God that he spare us this life.  That this little baby can survive the odds with our diminishing hope from what we just went through.  And we have been graciously spared.

 

With everything falling apart the same way it had with our last pregnancy, I quickly met with my doctor and had my blood drawn to check my hcg level.  This time, I felt calm and at peace and a hope that everything will be okay. 

 

And it was.  My hcg levels were so high based on how far along I was that my doctor decided to skip a second hcg test and just perform an ultrasound.  And this time, with Joe, Conner and myself in the ultrasound room, we saw that little heart beating away.

 

It has taken me a long time to feel excited about this baby.  I felt that if I were excited about this one, then it would seem like I just got over the last one we lost.  That's no longer the case.  I will never be over the loss of our baby or feel like I am replacing him or her.  Knowing that and reminding myself of that has been what's freed me to be excited about this little baby kicking, squirming, and hiccupping inside me.  I can now daydream non-stop about holding this babe, seeing that first smile, that first laugh, and watching Conner grow into his role as older brother.

 

I still have bad days where I break down and cry over the loss of our baby.  During one of these days a few months ago, I talked to Joe about how much I miss that little baby and how badly I still want it.  Joe put everything into perspective when he told me that his mom never had the chance to hold Conner nor will she with any of our kids, but she's holding our little one that we could not for us.  Sometimes that man knows exactly what needs to be said.

 

I anticipate this day and December 22nd to always be hard days to get through, and that's okay.  It means that I loved that little baby so much that I will never forget.  And I will always be thankful for the baby we'll be meeting this November because without that loss, we will never get to meet this little one.

 

"How lucky am I to have something so special that it makes saying goodbye so hard."



Pumpkin Spice Protein Pancakes

I've always considered the official kickoff to the pumpkin flavoring season to be the world's famous Morton Pumpkin Festival every mid-September.  Long before this gourd took the fall season by storm across the country, Morton celebrated this flavor every September with its own dedicated festival.  You can find just about anything pumpkin related, and it is glorious.  Pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin doughnuts, pumpkin chili, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin ice cream... the list goes on and on.

 

I can talk about this festival for hours and the poor people that work with me have to put up with it.  But I don't care.  I have always had a true love for Morton and pumpkins and this festival is a major highlight in my life every year.

 

In preparation for the upcoming fall season (aka pumpkin season) I've been busy trying to get this pancake recipe just right.  Here is a little breakfast recipe loaded with protein and pumpkin spice flavor that I know you'll love.

 

 

Pumpkin Spice Protein Pancakes

 

1/2 c. instant oats (use a coffee grinder to get a fine flour or buy oat flour)

1 scoop vanilla whey protein

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp pumpkin spice

1/2 c. plain yogurt (or you can use greek yogurt for even more protein)

1 egg white

 

Heat up a griddle to 350 F.  Mix dry ingredients together in a bowl.  Add in your egg white and plain yogurt into the dry ingredients and stir until well mixed.  The mixture should be a little thick.  Lightly spray your griddle and scoop pancake mix into three separate pancakes.  Cook each side for a few minutes and eat up!

 

Note for any pregnant moms with gestational diabetes - two of these pancakes will give you roughly 30g of carbs.

 

 

 



25 Weeks

How far along?  25 weeks
Total weight gain:  15 pounds.  It fluctuates a little but typically stays around 15 pounds
Maternity clothes?  Yes. I probably wear maternity clothes about 25-30% of the time now. I bought some new outfits that I am starting to finally fit into.
Sleep:  Great! Sleeping at night has been so much easier than with Conner's pregnancy.  So far my hips have not been hurting which plagued me in my first pregnancy.  I try not to go to bed until 11pm so I can get one last use of the bathroom giving me a better chance of sleeping through the night without having to go pee. 
Best moment this week:  The best moment this week was the only family dinner we got to have to together and spending it in downtown Traverse with perfect weather for eating outside. 
Miss anything?  Laying on my tummy and back whenever I want.
Cravings:  I only had one craving this week and that was for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  You better believe I caved into that craving.
Symptoms:  Exhaustion has gotten the better of me this week.  It's a rare occasion for me to take a nap, but I did on Sunday.  Lack of energy has also made it hard to workout this week.  For the plus side, this little babe has been getting plenty of exercise with lots of kicks and somersaults.  Every once in a while I'll feel a good ole Braxton Hicks come on but those are still few and far between.
Looking forward to:  Sweet little Alivia's first birthday is this weekend.  We are so excited to be celebrating this big milestone with their family!  We are also looking forward to Joe's work picnic on Sunday.  We have heard they have some pretty great prizes this year and we are really hoping that our friends Phil and Lori win that paddleboard! 

I figured it was time to switch up my menu for this week so here's the new line up:
7am - Breakfast:  Pumpkin protein pancakes
7:20-8am - Gym Workout (I've been switching it up between step aerobics and other workout videos)
9:30am - 1/2 c. cottage cheese, mandarin orange and 8oz coffee with 2 tbs. creamer
9:40-10am - 1 mile dog walk
12pm - Lunch:  Sesame Ginger Chicken Wrap
2:30pm - Snack #2: 1 c. Beef Cabbage Soup
5pm - Dinner:  Chicken Cobb Salad (romaine, hard boiled egg, avocado, chicken breast, bacon bits, shredded cheddar cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, balsamic vinaigrette)
8pm - Snack #3:  Still keep this simple with either greek yogurt, string cheese, cheerios and skim milk, or when I absolutely want it - a little bit of ice cream. 

Weekend Wrap Up

"Hey Anna, is Joe still doing storm work?"  Me: "Yep"

 

That is the one question that I seem to get asked so many times everyday.  Almost as much as Conner continually asking, "Mom, where Daddy -o?"  That boy needs to know where his dad is at all times.  Those two are inseparable, and I love it.

 

For the most part, storm work has slowed down considerably, but Joe is on call this weekend so he's been going out quite a bit still responding to those outages.  Friday we didn't see much of him, go figure. 

 

Saturday morning Conner and I loaded up to check out this great children's resale shop in Traverse City called Twice Trendy Tots.  If you're local and have kids, check it out.  You can thank me later.  We anticipated finding some great newborn items during their special sale, but that whole morning turned out to be one big fail.  The newborn sale section was wiped clean.  Conner had no intention of keeping his shoes on and staying by my side.  And apparently my flip flop decided that it would be a good time for the strap to break making it especially difficult to chase down that toddler running and hiding from me in the rack of clothes.  But long story short, the cashier felt sorry for me and gave me 20% off my purchase and a coupon for 20% off my next purchase.  A little moment in the chaos to be thankful for.

 

But we have one huge thing that we were excited for this weekend!  Joe started his mandatory rest at 4pm on Saturday which meant one thing for all of us... finally a family dinner together!

 

And we took full advantage.  We hit up our favorite burger joint in downtown Traverse called Slabtown Burger.  Just typing out that name makes me stop and daydream about that place. I digress. Afterward we decided that ice cream would be the right way to end our family outing so we stopped by the local Dairy Lodge and was able to check that off our summertime bucket list. And to top if all off, Joe was never called back in the rest of the night.  It's the little things that make me so excited.

 

But onto Sunday and back to work (for Joe anyway).  He left in the morning so Conner and I left for church a little earlier than normal to stop and have a breakfast date.  Rarely do we ever get doughnuts, but that was on the menu this morning.  Conner was so excited to pick out his very own and we picked up two of Joe's favorite to surprise him with. 

 

I think back on this week at all the not-so-healthy food that has been consumed, but ehh, oh well.  It's a rarity and Conner is pretty good at understanding that treats are rare and not an everyday thing. It think if he had a choice between playing outside, watching Curious George, or having a treat, he would pick in the order that I just listed.

 

We couldn't think of a better way to end the weekend than swinging by Aunt Shannon's for a visit with her and the boys.  If there's an opportunity for Conner to burn off energy and play with cousins, I'm taking it!

 

Time for the weekend pics!

 

I about threw myself a toddler tantrum when I went to buy my caramel Starbuck blend and they were out!  How dare the person that decided to buy the last bag.  But the Cinnamon Dolce with white chocolate mocha has been a very acceptable substitute in case anyone else finds themselves in that pickle.

 

Eat up, little bird.

 

 Conner's favorite spot to eat lunch while I clean the kitchen.

 

There's has been nothing better this week than dinner with Daddy.

 

Finishing the night with an ice cream outing.

 

Time for yard pick up from last week's storm and Conner has is little rake in hand to help.  (He threw it way more than helped with it.)

 

We are so ready for Fall and playing in leaf piles.



 

 

Snap peas.  The way to little boy's heart.